It’s true. There are 2 things about you that don’t matter to me. Two traits that don’t define you as a person or tell me anything about your character. And as fixated as society is on these 2 things, I promise you I never will be.
The first is who you love. Your sexuality is quite literally the least interesting thing about you. It’s about as fascinating as the color of your hair or your shoe size. Traits you are born with don’t describe who you are as a person. Here’s what I want to know – do you have love in your life? Have you experienced the profound beauty of a trusting relationship? A friend, a lover, your family of origin or found family? This is what I hope for you, and it has absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality.
The second thing I don’t care about you is your weight. A number on a scale, the size of the clothes in your closet, if you gained 100 lbs or lost 15. It means nothing to me. Your value is not determined by your size 0 or your size XXXL pants. What you weigh does not define you. Let’s repeat this so that it really sticks – your weight does not define you. And it will never tell me what I need to know about you. But there are 3 traits that will.
The first is how you treat people. Are you kind? Are you respectful? Whether it’s service providers, colleagues or your family – are you forgiving and understanding? This matters to me because we have a choice in our behavior. We choose how we interact with each other. How we respond. We aren’t perfect, that’s for sure, but patterns of behavior are revealing. Patterns reveal character.
Second, I care about how you treat me. Are you kind? Are you respectful? Are you mindful of my boundaries and clear about yours? When I screw up do you cut me some slack – and then hold me to the same standard in return? The saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ is actually not 100% accurate. How you talk to me, and how you talk about me, matters.
The third thing that I truly care about you, is how you treat yourself. Are you kind? Are you respectful? Do you give yourself the same grace and compassion that you give others? Do you let yourself off the hook when things don’t go as planned, or do you beat yourself up with insults and shaming? Our inner dialogue can get pretty nasty sometimes. Do you make time for what’s important for your health and well-being? I hope you are your priority. Doing what you need to do, to be happy and healthy, to build loving relationships, and to flourish, is what I care about the most.
And to show that I really mean it, I’ve invited Ed Sheeren & Justin Bieber to sing ‘I Don’t Care’! https://youtu.be/y83x7MgzWOA